possessum: (some part of you covered me)
ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ɢʀᴀʜᴀᴍ 👑 ᴋɪɴɢ ᴘᴀɪᴍᴏɴ ([personal profile] possessum) wrote2019-08-07 09:01 pm

— 𝐜 𝐨 𝐧 𝐭 𝐚 𝐜 𝐭


action / text / video / etc.

NOTE: I am forever backtag friendly and absolutely open to doing things from past events that won't really have an effect on things at any given time. For example, if you'd like to do something with Peter aged down or when he was his spider dream guide, etc.

creidim: (☾ 048)

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-05 02:54 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Ah, yes. That thing. She knew his profile hadn't much in it before the update, and it still doesn't have much in it yet. But he's... updated specific things. And it's warranted a reaction out of her before she could help herself. Never one for ignoring things, is she? ]

Well. I was asking about the latter, specifically. [ Although it could honestly apply to the 'expectations' part, really. ]

Is that really what you think of yourself?
creidim: (☾ 056)

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-05 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Self-deprecation and Peter go hand in hand, and it's been long enough in their friendship that she recognises what it means when he opts for that response. She's trying to be gentle about it, really. There's a degree of carefulness required when dealing with Peter; that she has to be gentle with him sometimes.

But she knows she also can't change herself for that, either. It's difficult to navigate, but not off-putting. He's worth the trouble. ]


That's not quite true, though.

[ She's maybe not just talking about her, but in general. There are other people in his life in Deerington who don't view their relationship with him as some kind of burden on them. People like Louis, and Ben. And those are just people she knows, and knew.

But getting back to her own part in this: ]


So I suppose it takes me back to my first question: what if someone did? Want you, I mean.
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 080)

same tho

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-05 06:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's too many terrible things in the world, she's known so much of it in such a short time. She's always tried to see the silver-linings, what sparks of good can be found in things, in situations, in people. But the thing is, she picks these things out because they're there. There is good in Peter.

It's an admission that stings more than it should, or more than she thought it should. It stings against her own feelings for him, and about him — those quiet, gentle little notions she's been allowing herself to think, to feel. How he feels about himself — how he views himself, and there's a lack of understanding in that. ]


Even if that person was me?

[ In part, she regrets asking almost immediately. Because it puts him in a position that isn't fair, because it puts their friendship, and what else comes of that, in an unfair position.

But then she understand how that thinking does work when it comes to them. Why would he ask, why would he draw her close to push away again? ]


I'm sorry, Peter. It wasn't right of me to ask that.

Neither should you make yourself out to be a worse person than what you are. You sell yourself short that way. You shouldn't insult yourself by dismissing your own worth, or the worth that people see in you.

That I see in you.
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 091)

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-05 11:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Then why did you ask me out?

[ Because that's the part she doesn't understand in all this. If he doesn't want to waste her time, he doesn't want to hurt her but to keep her safe — why did he ask her? If that's how he sees himself. It's like he opened a door but then stands in the doorway, blocking the way in. The strange juxtaposition of being invited in and yet pushed away all at once.

It's an odd ache, hollow and longing all at once echoing around in her chest. Because it's those little things between them she thinks on, the moments that make her flutter — how much she... enjoys them. Now she can finally let herself enjoy them, without the horrors and dangers of this place breathing down their necks — just the ability to simply enjoy them for what they are, something soft and gentle. Something to let grow.

And yet there's fear of losing it. Because these things... they're things she recognises she could have, she's grown to want instead of simply need. Things she never thought she could ever have. Things she trusts with him to share with her, to work out what they are. Because she does trust him — she's never trusted anyone like this before in her life. ]


What if I do want you? You don't get to do that. You don't let me in and then tell me you're not worth it. You don't get to decide what I let hurt me. I know you would never want to hurt me.

[ As special as she is to him, it's the same in return. ]

You're allowed to be happy too. You're worthy of being happy.
creidim: (☾ 047)

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-06 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
[ These are things she does indeed know. Things that have been said and things that have been unsaid — that lie within gestures, within the soft sounds inside the spaces of her mind he occupied when the red thread connected them. A comforted contentedness she realised was her influence on him.

She makes him happy, and it makes her smile through the ache she feels, the confusion he's brought. Makes the ache a little softer, something warmer — more gentle longing than hollowing. ]


You already do make me happy. You know that, right?

[ Because there's already been so much between them up until now, up until he'd asked her out on a date. Something rare and precious had been found between them. It's why she'd said yes. ]

I'm not angry with you for it, Peter. I just want to understand why.

I don't want lose what this is, what it could be, if you can't trust me to understand why you think like this. Not when it's something I didn't think I could have before.


[ To barely touch on something and have the rug pulled out from under her, sort of speak. Because it is unfair, she's had enough unfairness. But he's... willing to be open with her, and it's enough. It's... something. Hopeful. ]

I think the fact you're afraid to tell me kind of tells me quite a lot, really.

I won't make promises on what I'd think or feel just to make you feel better, you know I can't or won't do that. But I'll always be here for you. I'll listen. Whenever you're ready to tell me.
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 077)

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-08 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It certainly was a lot easier with the threads. Easier to know what the other was thinking, feeling — finding comfort in being used to those glowing embers of affection in a gentler way. To experience it without worrying too much about addressing it.

All of this is just a huge expanse of the unknown, things they've never dealt with in life — somethings neither of them thought they'd ever deal with. Both of them understand that in one another. In the thread's absence, they're stumbling around in the dark with it. But there's comfort in knowing they're in a similar boat, and stumbling around together. ]


I know what you mean.

It's a little frightening, but it's not a bad kind? It's something I'm alright with, though. I don't mind being a little scared about it.

Because it feels nice, too.


[ Of course there's that nervous fear, that lends into shyness. But it's... exciting, too. Just as Alice had told her with her and Kady: it's scary, but it's also nice. She's... starting to understand that now. And maybe as her friend suggested, it's something worth facing the fear of. ]

It's alright, Peter. And I don't expect you to be good at this kind of thing. I understand.

[ He's... a dummy, sometimes. She's okay with this. ]

But I know you're trying, you're willing to try and that means a lot.

If you're going to trust me with this, whatever it might be? I know it means you're trying.
creidim: commission, dnt (☾ 093)

me: gets popcorn tbh but also S A M E

[personal profile] creidim 2020-06-10 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)
You're my best friend, too.

[ It's a wholly new thing, having a best friend. She's never had one of those before. But that's what she thinks of him, that's what she's sure it's like to have best friend. She's never been as close to a person her own age as what she has with Peter.

She has friends now, of course she does, but this is... different. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville are good friends, but her relationships with them are much different. She'll fight alongside them, cares for them deeply, but she's... never been affectionate with them like Peter. And then here in Deerington, she has people like Alice, Fern, Ruby or Diarmuid. Friends and good friends, she thinks. But again, it's not what she has with Peter.

Maybe that's how he's different, how it marks him as her best friend. It's something special, important. And even if she can't say how she's going to react, to whatever it is he's going to tell her about himself — part of her hopes it isn't something that'll make her change how she sees him.

She cares too much about him. She doesn't want to lose him, not now. Not when there's maybe something more to what they are — some curious and fascinating and exciting thing. Something good, that she thinks they deserve in all of this, that they can quietly work on, work towards in their own time. She's long been filled with lonely aches — she wants the feel of this instead. ]


Alright.

I'll be here for you. Whenever you're ready.

I promise.