— 𝐜 𝐨 𝐧 𝐭 𝐚 𝐜 𝐭

[possessum]

action / text / video / etc.
NOTE: I am forever backtag friendly and absolutely open to doing things from past events that won't really have an effect on things at any given time. For example, if you'd like to do something with Peter aged down or when he was his spider dream guide, etc.

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me turning a text post into literal paragraphs of introspection

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[ It's strange; there's two parts of this for him, really, and it's hard to know where they blend or how much. There's the part that's just him, the part that's seeing all of this through a "normal" teenager's eyes, nervous and new to all of this, who's very inexperienced. That part's still tainted, though, still doesn't think things like relationships or anything like that are something he should ever have. Not after what he did. He's... not a good person. He really isn't.

Then there's of course, the other part. The one that doesn't belong to a normal person, the part viewing this through the lens of the fact there's something very fucking supernaturally wrong with him. How.. could he even consider being with anyone, when there's something wrong with him like that? Louis hadn't acted like it was a big deal at all when Peter had brought it up, and while he absolutely appreciates his friend not treating him like there's anything wrong with him, it also... worries him. Shouldn't people realise what's wrong with him? Be afraid of it? It's worse if they aren't. Because then they'll get close to him, and he could hurt them, and he can't stand the thought of hurting anyone else ever again, after what he'd done to his family—

..... So his own sense of being frightened is partially the not-necessarily-bad kind she's talking about, but then there's part of it that is the bad kind. The sort of fright that makes his guts hurt, and they're hurting now, even as he's trying to reassure her of something. He will tell her, but it aches to think about. It scares him, makes him feel ill. Peter runs his hands over his face for a moment, to ease himself a little. ]

You're my best friend. I want to try for you

[ Maybe she will see him differently afterwards. How could she not, honestly? But she's right, that's her right to one way or another. He can't take away that choice for her; it belongs to her. And truthfully, he has been hiding from Luna a bit over the past months, hasn't he? From everyone, but maybe especially her. It hadn't lasted long, and he hadn't cast himself away from her completely, but he had withdrawn out of fear of hurting her, and out of fear of how she might look at him if she sees that darkness in him too closely.

He can't keep hiding, not when their relationship has reached a point where they're so very open and comfortable in each other. He just.. hadn't been thinking about the future so much, maybe. This conversation has opened up the concept more in him, and his knee-jerk was to flinch away from it, to be afraid. Peter's feelings are much like a shy animal that has to be coaxed out by safe hands; some wounded little thing. But she's— she's said some things here that are very.... important.

.... "What if I want you?"

What if he wants her, too? ]

Because I don't want to lose you
Or what this is, either

Or what it could be

[ He's echoing what she'd said before — what it could be. It's..... a little glimmer of something towards the future. Wording it like that. His guts still ache, but that shy wounded thing in him pokes its head out, carefully. ]

I'll tell you everything
Really soon

me: gets popcorn tbh but also S A M E

[creidim]

You're my best friend, too.

[ It's a wholly new thing, having a best friend. She's never had one of those before. But that's what she thinks of him, that's what she's sure it's like to have best friend. She's never been as close to a person her own age as what she has with Peter.

She has friends now, of course she does, but this is... different. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville are good friends, but her relationships with them are much different. She'll fight alongside them, cares for them deeply, but she's... never been affectionate with them like Peter. And then here in Deerington, she has people like Alice, Fern, Ruby or Diarmuid. Friends and good friends, she thinks. But again, it's not what she has with Peter.

Maybe that's how he's different, how it marks him as her best friend. It's something special, important. And even if she can't say how she's going to react, to whatever it is he's going to tell her about himself — part of her hopes it isn't something that'll make her change how she sees him.

She cares too much about him. She doesn't want to lose him, not now. Not when there's maybe something more to what they are — some curious and fascinating and exciting thing. Something good, that she thinks they deserve in all of this, that they can quietly work on, work towards in their own time. She's long been filled with lonely aches — she wants the feel of this instead. ]

Alright.

I'll be here for you. Whenever you're ready.

I promise.