( There's an audible gasp, and Peter's eyes widen like saucers when Usagi says that name aloud. Surprise, fear... it's a mingled mix in him, and the boy flinches slightly.
It's not as though it hasn't happened before, though. Plenty of people have met Paimon or learned about him, and it's not really a shock that Maul would mention him to someone he's so close with. But still... it always throws Peter off. He just sits there for a long moment, listening. And mentally hoping that the demon won't come out with his name being spoken. )
It's.... it's not great, to be honest. Things are even weirder here than back in Deerington, I think. With all the blood stuff... I think it's affecting him? ...Us.
( He looks down at his hands, anxiety making his heart beat a little bit faster. Just talking about it is... hard. But there's another concern, now that Usagi knows the demon's name. )
Oh... I'm- I'm honestly sorry to hear that. How is it affecting you? Maybe there's some way we can, if not find solutions, maybe just ease some of the burdens you're both going through?
And no, he didn't, but I kinda figured he wasn't exactly... sweet and cuddly from what Maul told me about him. [Considering Maul initially just wanted Paimon for his power, she can sort of easily GUESS.] Again, Maul is a kid who wants a cookie, so either Paimon has the ability to get him the cookie or IS the cookie if that makes sense?
But you can tell me whatever you'd like. I promise, there's nothing you can say that will scare me. I'm friends with Maul, remember?
( Peter hesitates again. He's told so few people about what this place seems to be doing to him, in some part because he doesn't know for sure if it is this place, or just some long-term effect of his possession, or... some mix of both. )
It's like... making my body do weird things. Weirder things. ( ....Since being demonically possessed means 'body doing weird things' is kind of a given. )
...Kind of gross things. I don't want to make you feel sick or anything. ( He winces, apologetic. It's... a lot. Peter's painfully aware how disturbing he's actually becoming! It's not fun at all! )
Yeah. That makes sense. He's really... messed up. Really weird. Something happened to him back in my world and he's not... how he's supposed to be. I think Maul knows that.
( Paimon is... in a position to be taken advantage of. Peter does understand that, thanks to Luna. He may not enjoy the demon to any degree, but there is something in him that does feel sympathy for it. )
I don't know what exactly Maul wants with him, but it can't be good.
There are... very few things that gross me out anymore. Too many months in Deerington for that. [Plus her own life back home.] So if you need to share, I can listen.
What should Paimon be like?
Well, THAT I can tell you. Maul initially wanted his power. HOW he intended for that, I can guess but couldn't tell you for sure. But Maul says it's different now, that he legitimately cares for Paimon. And as Maul is always so hesitant to reveal that? I believe it.
Well.... ( He probably should be talking about it more, instead of pretending the scary things don't exist. It's only through talking about it that he can potentially get help.... and he is aware holding everything inside isn't good, either. )
It's like.... well, for example, one of the weird things that's started happening to me is that I sometimes throw up bugs. Um, ants. Live ones.
( So that's! A thing! )
What I've learned so far is... even though he's this king of Hell, he's not like the Biblical kind of demon? He's even older than that, apparently? Like... super ancient. The kind of thing that a lot of cultures have different names for, like... I think he's called a god and even a goddess in some. And a genie in others.
He's not supposed to.. hurt people. He's actually supposed to help them? But he's... he barely remembers himself at all. I can definitely see how people would try to take advantage of him.
I know he's made... I guess friends here, so maybe they really have become close. But Maul's... dangerous to Luna. What if he's just trying to be buddy-buddy with this thing so he can get closer to us and then hurt her?
[Usagi nearly gagged at the idea that someone was vomiting up LIVE bugs because, well, didn't that mean PETER was the one doing it? She balks but that's about her only gesture to show her distaste.
As she listens she makes a soft noise, listening.]
I wonder... if there was someone who was psychic who could see into his memories, help pull out the ones from his past, if that may be able to help him? I mean, if you would both be okay with such a thing? Maybe if he can remember who he is, he won't be taken advantage of?
As for Maul and Luna... [She sighs.] I can't say that there isn't anger at her from his end. But... I don't think he would get close to Paimon to hurt Luna because he LIKES Paimon and if Paimon likes Luna, he knows that isn't something he can recommend without losing Paimon.
(Sorry, Usagi... Demonic possession is not a fun business, made even less fun by the effects of this place worsening certain aspects of it. Peter winces again, freshly apologetic; he hates upsetting anyone with the details β and there are others, but he's not too eager to divulge all of them. It's just... unpleasant, all the way around.
He appreciates her continuing to try and help him, though. )
That's... a really good idea, actually. Nobody's tried that before. We've been afraid to mess with his head too much, since he's so... unstable, but maybe if somebody just looked into him...
( It's certainly something to think about, something he'll have to discuss with Luna. Speaking ofβ Peter gives a sigh, too. Trying to keep the peace is a hard life. )
God, I hope so. Paimon's definitely... extremely protective of her. They're like... Bonded? Like as a witch and a demon. So it's... some deep pact type thing. ( Worrying about his girlfriend being tied to some demon king AND being on a Sith Lord's bad side.... Peter's stomach no doubt has ulcers by this point. )
...Man. I used to think I was just a normal high schooler. Funny how life turns completely around into stuff like this, isn't it....
Great! So we'll just ask around for someone who can actually help him and go uh... into your minds if you're okay with that? [Obi-Wan maybe? Or maybe someone else with psychic powers in case Maul had said something about Obi-Wan to Paimon.
She tilted her head as he mentioned that Luna and Paimon had a bond, or rather pact and nodded. She didn't understand it herself, but Luna was smart, she would know what she was doing.]
Haaa... yeah. [She hasn't had a normal childhood since 14, she gets it.] But even if you can't be a normal high schooler, you can still do what makes you happy. Normal may be out, but happiness isn't.
I guess somehow I need to... see about asking him if he's cool with this, too. We don't exactly talk, but maybe I can try writing him a note or something. ( How to Communicate With Your Demon 101. )
He doesn't like me that much so I don't even know if he'd read it, but maybe if I put some sparkles or something on it.... ( The demon king loves sparkly things... )
Yeah, I guess I really need to re-adjust my perspective that 'normal' means 'happy', huh. ( A wry little laugh. )
So like, you can't both be out at the same time? [Well, she guesses that made sense. Most possession cases seemed to work like that. It was certainly that way for the people who got possessed back home.]
If he likes Luna, why not ask her if she'd be okay delivering it to him? That way she can explain things if there are questions, and it's someone you both trust.
Sometimes we can, but it's something we're still kind of... working on. When he's uh.... in control, it's hard for me to come out. I'm not strong enough, I guess.
....He can come out any time he wants, though. ( Said with a sigh. It's a miracle the demon hasn't butted into this conversation already. He's very curious about new people. )
That'd be the easiest thing, yeah. And I will tell her about all this anyway. But... I don't know, I guess I just... hate always having to ask her for help, you know? Sometimes I wish I could... do more on my own.
How does... Paimon view you? Like, I... I know it kind of sucks to be asked "hey, Peter-san, do you have a good relationship with the demon you didn't ask for?" but... um... do you?
He's not going anywhere, right? So... may as well... actually, get to like one another. Has he ever mentioned what would make him... I guess want to give you equal power?
Or... uh, how do you even become more powerful in the first place?
I just, you seem to have been suffering and I'd really like to see you be allowed to live, you know?
It's good to want to do things on your own, to be able to do more. But Luna has a right to choose what she wants to get involved in. Besides, how long have you been doing this on your own anyway?
( Peter's quiet for a few moments, giving it serious thought. It's never a comfortable subject, not something he often wants to think on. But he really is going to start trying harder these days to not just ignore the scary things. Paimon literally lives inside of his body. Ignoring him is.... its own struggle. )
He used to really dislike me. ( Peter says softly, thinking back on it. ) He saw me as... in his way. It's a long story, but back home, I was... given to him. I think as like, um... a sacrifice. He tried to take over my body for a long time, but... Luna stopped him on that. And over time, he stopped.... hating me so much, I think. Because of her.
But he still doesn't really... like me. I think he just kind of puts up with me, because he cares about Luna so much. Sometimes he still gets.. angry with me.
I'm not sure how I could become more powerful, though. I'm... not very strong, mentally. ( Peter gives a little self-deprecatory sort of smile. ) Do you think it's even possible to get more powerful if you've always just been.... a really weak person?
( That's just Peter's honest opinion of himself. He is weak; there's no sense pretending he's any different. )
She's been helping me with the demon stuff ever since she first showed up to Deerington. I know she doesn't mind, and I'm glad she's there. I just hate always having to bug her about it. Paimon's... he takes up a lot of her time. He's kind of needy for attention? He has a lot of energy in there.
I think power is definitely not what people think it is. [She would know.] I think you are incredibly powerful, Peter-san, and don't even seem to realize it.
You got forcibly sacrificed to a demon with immense power who hated you, who tried to get rid of you, who wanted to shove your mind just OUT completely. And you're still a good person, you're still trying to get through this as best you can.
You're dealing with vomiting LIVE bugs. [She blanched again.] And the fact that you aren't curled up on the floor screaming your head off or raging against the world when this is absolutely not what you asked for?
I honestly think you're one of the strongest people here. There is nothing weak about you. There are plenty of people in this universe who would look at your situation and... well, who even knows what they'd do.
I think you're incredible.
I hope you see that, too.
As for your energetic friend, maybe we can give him... something to do? Like when a little kid gets too antsy, just letting them run around a bit and play to help calm them down and tire them out. Maybe Paimon needs something like that? Even older people get that way, right?
( Peter falls silent, listening to Usagi speak. As she does, his heart squeezes tighter and tighter β not with anxiety, this time. It's because hearing things like this is still.... so foreign for him, and it touches upon a very particular place. Growing up, he never, ever heard anything like this. He always knew, on some level, that he wasn't wanted.
Then he came to Deerington. And through all of the loss and ache and horror, there were people who believed in him, even when they learned what was so wrong with him, and what horrible things he'd done. Louis, Diarmuid, Luna....
It's still hard for him to believe such things about himself. Maybe he never truly can. But hearing Usagi say what she does....? It does reach him, touch him. He's swallowing hard, throat thick, eyes glossy. Here's someone who barely knows him, giving him this kind of encouragement... this kindness. Someone who sees what he's dealing with and recognises it, validates it.
Peter has to stay quiet for a few moments after, gathering himself. )
I..... Thank you. ( His voice is quiet, a little hoarse; maybe it's obvious he's a bit teary, but by now, there's not much need to hide that fact from people. He's some broken thing; he spills so easily. But despite that, there are people who will support him like this. )
I um... It means a lot to hear you say that? So thank you. ( He sniffles, a little wetly, and offers a quiet smile to the girl. )
You've hit the nail on the head, I think. Luna has to do that for him a lot, kind of... help him get out some of that energy. I think he feels as trapped as I do, a lot of the time. ( Peter bites his lip for a moment. )
Maybe I can try to find some other people who'd be willing to.... entertain him for awhile. To give her a little bit of a break. I'll definitely look into that. I uh. I can't keep ignoring him. I know I can't.
[It's okay Peter, she's quite the cry baby too. She watches him, giving him some time to calm down and figure out what it is he wants to say and how he feels about what she laid at his feet.]
Not at all, it's true. [She offered.] You should hear the truth more often. Sometimes we get this version of things in our head and it helps to have an outside perspective.
I imagine there are a lot of people who would be willing to help, who wouldn't want something from him and would just want to see to it you get what you need and he gets... better. I know a couple of people if you need recommendations.
( Peter offers another little smile. He really is grateful. Just having somebody to talk to without judgment or shame... it means a lot. And not only that, she's offering to recommend other people who could possibly help, too. )
That'd be great, yeah. ( He nods, meaning it. He'll take any help he can get. )
I'm lucky I do have a few people around here who help with all that. ( Really, he doesn't know how he's managed to meet such reliable people, but he has. ) ...But he's a uh, pretty big job, so anyone else you might know... I'll definitely keep them in mind.
Really? She sounds like someone I could use on my side. ( Peter offers another little smile. ) I don't mind if you want to tell her. Orβ anyone. It's probably better if people know about me.
( This isn't something he can hide the same ways he used to. Paimon is... not going to stay tucked away. The demon wants his own life and experiences. )
Though I should probably warn you about something; you might want to be careful not to tell people his name. It uh... is apparently a big deal for the kind of demon he is? He might get upset thinking someone could try to control him.
( There's a lot of power in a name, especially for the goetic demons. )
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It's not as though it hasn't happened before, though. Plenty of people have met Paimon or learned about him, and it's not really a shock that Maul would mention him to someone he's so close with. But still... it always throws Peter off. He just sits there for a long moment, listening. And mentally hoping that the demon won't come out with his name being spoken. )
It's.... it's not great, to be honest. Things are even weirder here than back in Deerington, I think. With all the blood stuff... I think it's affecting him? ...Us.
( He looks down at his hands, anxiety making his heart beat a little bit faster. Just talking about it is... hard. But there's another concern, now that Usagi knows the demon's name. )
Did Maul tell you how... dangerous he can be?
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And no, he didn't, but I kinda figured he wasn't exactly... sweet and cuddly from what Maul told me about him. [Considering Maul initially just wanted Paimon for his power, she can sort of easily GUESS.] Again, Maul is a kid who wants a cookie, so either Paimon has the ability to get him the cookie or IS the cookie if that makes sense?
But you can tell me whatever you'd like. I promise, there's nothing you can say that will scare me. I'm friends with Maul, remember?
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It's like... making my body do weird things. Weirder things. ( ....Since being demonically possessed means 'body doing weird things' is kind of a given. )
...Kind of gross things. I don't want to make you feel sick or anything. ( He winces, apologetic. It's... a lot. Peter's painfully aware how disturbing he's actually becoming! It's not fun at all! )
Yeah. That makes sense. He's really... messed up. Really weird. Something happened to him back in my world and he's not... how he's supposed to be. I think Maul knows that.
( Paimon is... in a position to be taken advantage of. Peter does understand that, thanks to Luna. He may not enjoy the demon to any degree, but there is something in him that does feel sympathy for it. )
I don't know what exactly Maul wants with him, but it can't be good.
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What should Paimon be like?
Well, THAT I can tell you. Maul initially wanted his power. HOW he intended for that, I can guess but couldn't tell you for sure. But Maul says it's different now, that he legitimately cares for Paimon. And as Maul is always so hesitant to reveal that? I believe it.
cw: insect body horror
It's like.... well, for example, one of the weird things that's started happening to me is that I sometimes throw up bugs. Um, ants. Live ones.
( So that's! A thing! )
What I've learned so far is... even though he's this king of Hell, he's not like the Biblical kind of demon? He's even older than that, apparently? Like... super ancient. The kind of thing that a lot of cultures have different names for, like... I think he's called a god and even a goddess in some. And a genie in others.
He's not supposed to.. hurt people. He's actually supposed to help them? But he's... he barely remembers himself at all. I can definitely see how people would try to take advantage of him.
I know he's made... I guess friends here, so maybe they really have become close. But Maul's... dangerous to Luna. What if he's just trying to be buddy-buddy with this thing so he can get closer to us and then hurt her?
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As she listens she makes a soft noise, listening.]
I wonder... if there was someone who was psychic who could see into his memories, help pull out the ones from his past, if that may be able to help him? I mean, if you would both be okay with such a thing? Maybe if he can remember who he is, he won't be taken advantage of?
As for Maul and Luna... [She sighs.] I can't say that there isn't anger at her from his end. But... I don't think he would get close to Paimon to hurt Luna because he LIKES Paimon and if Paimon likes Luna, he knows that isn't something he can recommend without losing Paimon.
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He appreciates her continuing to try and help him, though. )
That's... a really good idea, actually. Nobody's tried that before. We've been afraid to mess with his head too much, since he's so... unstable, but maybe if somebody just looked into him...
( It's certainly something to think about, something he'll have to discuss with Luna. Speaking ofβ Peter gives a sigh, too. Trying to keep the peace is a hard life. )
God, I hope so. Paimon's definitely... extremely protective of her. They're like... Bonded? Like as a witch and a demon. So it's... some deep pact type thing. ( Worrying about his girlfriend being tied to some demon king AND being on a Sith Lord's bad side.... Peter's stomach no doubt has ulcers by this point. )
...Man. I used to think I was just a normal high schooler. Funny how life turns completely around into stuff like this, isn't it....
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She tilted her head as he mentioned that Luna and Paimon had a bond, or rather pact and nodded. She didn't understand it herself, but Luna was smart, she would know what she was doing.]
Haaa... yeah. [She hasn't had a normal childhood since 14, she gets it.] But even if you can't be a normal high schooler, you can still do what makes you happy. Normal may be out, but happiness isn't.
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He doesn't like me that much so I don't even know if he'd read it, but maybe if I put some sparkles or something on it.... ( The demon king loves sparkly things... )
Yeah, I guess I really need to re-adjust my perspective that 'normal' means 'happy', huh. ( A wry little laugh. )
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If he likes Luna, why not ask her if she'd be okay delivering it to him? That way she can explain things if there are questions, and it's someone you both trust.
It might help.
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....He can come out any time he wants, though. ( Said with a sigh. It's a miracle the demon hasn't butted into this conversation already. He's very curious about new people. )
That'd be the easiest thing, yeah. And I will tell her about all this anyway. But... I don't know, I guess I just... hate always having to ask her for help, you know? Sometimes I wish I could... do more on my own.
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He's not going anywhere, right? So... may as well... actually, get to like one another. Has he ever mentioned what would make him... I guess want to give you equal power?
Or... uh, how do you even become more powerful in the first place?
I just, you seem to have been suffering and I'd really like to see you be allowed to live, you know?
It's good to want to do things on your own, to be able to do more. But Luna has a right to choose what she wants to get involved in. Besides, how long have you been doing this on your own anyway?
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He used to really dislike me. ( Peter says softly, thinking back on it. ) He saw me as... in his way. It's a long story, but back home, I was... given to him. I think as like, um... a sacrifice. He tried to take over my body for a long time, but... Luna stopped him on that. And over time, he stopped.... hating me so much, I think. Because of her.
But he still doesn't really... like me. I think he just kind of puts up with me, because he cares about Luna so much. Sometimes he still gets.. angry with me.
I'm not sure how I could become more powerful, though. I'm... not very strong, mentally. ( Peter gives a little self-deprecatory sort of smile. ) Do you think it's even possible to get more powerful if you've always just been.... a really weak person?
( That's just Peter's honest opinion of himself. He is weak; there's no sense pretending he's any different. )
She's been helping me with the demon stuff ever since she first showed up to Deerington. I know she doesn't mind, and I'm glad she's there. I just hate always having to bug her about it. Paimon's... he takes up a lot of her time. He's kind of needy for attention? He has a lot of energy in there.
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You got forcibly sacrificed to a demon with immense power who hated you, who tried to get rid of you, who wanted to shove your mind just OUT completely. And you're still a good person, you're still trying to get through this as best you can.
You're dealing with vomiting LIVE bugs. [She blanched again.] And the fact that you aren't curled up on the floor screaming your head off or raging against the world when this is absolutely not what you asked for?
I honestly think you're one of the strongest people here. There is nothing weak about you. There are plenty of people in this universe who would look at your situation and... well, who even knows what they'd do.
I think you're incredible.
I hope you see that, too.
As for your energetic friend, maybe we can give him... something to do? Like when a little kid gets too antsy, just letting them run around a bit and play to help calm them down and tire them out. Maybe Paimon needs something like that? Even older people get that way, right?
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Then he came to Deerington. And through all of the loss and ache and horror, there were people who believed in him, even when they learned what was so wrong with him, and what horrible things he'd done. Louis, Diarmuid, Luna....
It's still hard for him to believe such things about himself. Maybe he never truly can. But hearing Usagi say what she does....? It does reach him, touch him. He's swallowing hard, throat thick, eyes glossy. Here's someone who barely knows him, giving him this kind of encouragement... this kindness. Someone who sees what he's dealing with and recognises it, validates it.
Peter has to stay quiet for a few moments after, gathering himself. )
I..... Thank you. ( His voice is quiet, a little hoarse; maybe it's obvious he's a bit teary, but by now, there's not much need to hide that fact from people. He's some broken thing; he spills so easily. But despite that, there are people who will support him like this. )
I um... It means a lot to hear you say that? So thank you. ( He sniffles, a little wetly, and offers a quiet smile to the girl. )
You've hit the nail on the head, I think. Luna has to do that for him a lot, kind of... help him get out some of that energy. I think he feels as trapped as I do, a lot of the time. ( Peter bites his lip for a moment. )
Maybe I can try to find some other people who'd be willing to.... entertain him for awhile. To give her a little bit of a break. I'll definitely look into that. I uh. I can't keep ignoring him. I know I can't.
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Not at all, it's true. [She offered.] You should hear the truth more often. Sometimes we get this version of things in our head and it helps to have an outside perspective.
I imagine there are a lot of people who would be willing to help, who wouldn't want something from him and would just want to see to it you get what you need and he gets... better. I know a couple of people if you need recommendations.
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That'd be great, yeah. ( He nods, meaning it. He'll take any help he can get. )
I'm lucky I do have a few people around here who help with all that. ( Really, he doesn't know how he's managed to meet such reliable people, but he has. ) ...But he's a uh, pretty big job, so anyone else you might know... I'll definitely keep them in mind.
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But I know some others too, I'll ask, that way it's not all on you and Luna. Loads are easier to carry when more hands are helping, right?
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( This isn't something he can hide the same ways he used to. Paimon is... not going to stay tucked away. The demon wants his own life and experiences. )
Though I should probably warn you about something; you might want to be careful not to tell people his name. It uh... is apparently a big deal for the kind of demon he is? He might get upset thinking someone could try to control him.
( There's a lot of power in a name, especially for the goetic demons. )
Thanks, Usagi. For... for everything.
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I'll be sure to mention that to those who can help.
I'm happy to help, Peter. Just give me a call if you need, alright?