I guess somehow I need to... see about asking him if he's cool with this, too. We don't exactly talk, but maybe I can try writing him a note or something. ( How to Communicate With Your Demon 101. )
He doesn't like me that much so I don't even know if he'd read it, but maybe if I put some sparkles or something on it.... ( The demon king loves sparkly things... )
Yeah, I guess I really need to re-adjust my perspective that 'normal' means 'happy', huh. ( A wry little laugh. )
So like, you can't both be out at the same time? [Well, she guesses that made sense. Most possession cases seemed to work like that. It was certainly that way for the people who got possessed back home.]
If he likes Luna, why not ask her if she'd be okay delivering it to him? That way she can explain things if there are questions, and it's someone you both trust.
Sometimes we can, but it's something we're still kind of... working on. When he's uh.... in control, it's hard for me to come out. I'm not strong enough, I guess.
....He can come out any time he wants, though. ( Said with a sigh. It's a miracle the demon hasn't butted into this conversation already. He's very curious about new people. )
That'd be the easiest thing, yeah. And I will tell her about all this anyway. But... I don't know, I guess I just... hate always having to ask her for help, you know? Sometimes I wish I could... do more on my own.
How does... Paimon view you? Like, I... I know it kind of sucks to be asked "hey, Peter-san, do you have a good relationship with the demon you didn't ask for?" but... um... do you?
He's not going anywhere, right? So... may as well... actually, get to like one another. Has he ever mentioned what would make him... I guess want to give you equal power?
Or... uh, how do you even become more powerful in the first place?
I just, you seem to have been suffering and I'd really like to see you be allowed to live, you know?
It's good to want to do things on your own, to be able to do more. But Luna has a right to choose what she wants to get involved in. Besides, how long have you been doing this on your own anyway?
( Peter's quiet for a few moments, giving it serious thought. It's never a comfortable subject, not something he often wants to think on. But he really is going to start trying harder these days to not just ignore the scary things. Paimon literally lives inside of his body. Ignoring him is.... its own struggle. )
He used to really dislike me. ( Peter says softly, thinking back on it. ) He saw me as... in his way. It's a long story, but back home, I was... given to him. I think as like, um... a sacrifice. He tried to take over my body for a long time, but... Luna stopped him on that. And over time, he stopped.... hating me so much, I think. Because of her.
But he still doesn't really... like me. I think he just kind of puts up with me, because he cares about Luna so much. Sometimes he still gets.. angry with me.
I'm not sure how I could become more powerful, though. I'm... not very strong, mentally. ( Peter gives a little self-deprecatory sort of smile. ) Do you think it's even possible to get more powerful if you've always just been.... a really weak person?
( That's just Peter's honest opinion of himself. He is weak; there's no sense pretending he's any different. )
She's been helping me with the demon stuff ever since she first showed up to Deerington. I know she doesn't mind, and I'm glad she's there. I just hate always having to bug her about it. Paimon's... he takes up a lot of her time. He's kind of needy for attention? He has a lot of energy in there.
I think power is definitely not what people think it is. [She would know.] I think you are incredibly powerful, Peter-san, and don't even seem to realize it.
You got forcibly sacrificed to a demon with immense power who hated you, who tried to get rid of you, who wanted to shove your mind just OUT completely. And you're still a good person, you're still trying to get through this as best you can.
You're dealing with vomiting LIVE bugs. [She blanched again.] And the fact that you aren't curled up on the floor screaming your head off or raging against the world when this is absolutely not what you asked for?
I honestly think you're one of the strongest people here. There is nothing weak about you. There are plenty of people in this universe who would look at your situation and... well, who even knows what they'd do.
I think you're incredible.
I hope you see that, too.
As for your energetic friend, maybe we can give him... something to do? Like when a little kid gets too antsy, just letting them run around a bit and play to help calm them down and tire them out. Maybe Paimon needs something like that? Even older people get that way, right?
( Peter falls silent, listening to Usagi speak. As she does, his heart squeezes tighter and tighter β not with anxiety, this time. It's because hearing things like this is still.... so foreign for him, and it touches upon a very particular place. Growing up, he never, ever heard anything like this. He always knew, on some level, that he wasn't wanted.
Then he came to Deerington. And through all of the loss and ache and horror, there were people who believed in him, even when they learned what was so wrong with him, and what horrible things he'd done. Louis, Diarmuid, Luna....
It's still hard for him to believe such things about himself. Maybe he never truly can. But hearing Usagi say what she does....? It does reach him, touch him. He's swallowing hard, throat thick, eyes glossy. Here's someone who barely knows him, giving him this kind of encouragement... this kindness. Someone who sees what he's dealing with and recognises it, validates it.
Peter has to stay quiet for a few moments after, gathering himself. )
I..... Thank you. ( His voice is quiet, a little hoarse; maybe it's obvious he's a bit teary, but by now, there's not much need to hide that fact from people. He's some broken thing; he spills so easily. But despite that, there are people who will support him like this. )
I um... It means a lot to hear you say that? So thank you. ( He sniffles, a little wetly, and offers a quiet smile to the girl. )
You've hit the nail on the head, I think. Luna has to do that for him a lot, kind of... help him get out some of that energy. I think he feels as trapped as I do, a lot of the time. ( Peter bites his lip for a moment. )
Maybe I can try to find some other people who'd be willing to.... entertain him for awhile. To give her a little bit of a break. I'll definitely look into that. I uh. I can't keep ignoring him. I know I can't.
[It's okay Peter, she's quite the cry baby too. She watches him, giving him some time to calm down and figure out what it is he wants to say and how he feels about what she laid at his feet.]
Not at all, it's true. [She offered.] You should hear the truth more often. Sometimes we get this version of things in our head and it helps to have an outside perspective.
I imagine there are a lot of people who would be willing to help, who wouldn't want something from him and would just want to see to it you get what you need and he gets... better. I know a couple of people if you need recommendations.
( Peter offers another little smile. He really is grateful. Just having somebody to talk to without judgment or shame... it means a lot. And not only that, she's offering to recommend other people who could possibly help, too. )
That'd be great, yeah. ( He nods, meaning it. He'll take any help he can get. )
I'm lucky I do have a few people around here who help with all that. ( Really, he doesn't know how he's managed to meet such reliable people, but he has. ) ...But he's a uh, pretty big job, so anyone else you might know... I'll definitely keep them in mind.
Really? She sounds like someone I could use on my side. ( Peter offers another little smile. ) I don't mind if you want to tell her. Orβ anyone. It's probably better if people know about me.
( This isn't something he can hide the same ways he used to. Paimon is... not going to stay tucked away. The demon wants his own life and experiences. )
Though I should probably warn you about something; you might want to be careful not to tell people his name. It uh... is apparently a big deal for the kind of demon he is? He might get upset thinking someone could try to control him.
( There's a lot of power in a name, especially for the goetic demons. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He doesn't like me that much so I don't even know if he'd read it, but maybe if I put some sparkles or something on it.... ( The demon king loves sparkly things... )
Yeah, I guess I really need to re-adjust my perspective that 'normal' means 'happy', huh. ( A wry little laugh. )
no subject
If he likes Luna, why not ask her if she'd be okay delivering it to him? That way she can explain things if there are questions, and it's someone you both trust.
It might help.
no subject
....He can come out any time he wants, though. ( Said with a sigh. It's a miracle the demon hasn't butted into this conversation already. He's very curious about new people. )
That'd be the easiest thing, yeah. And I will tell her about all this anyway. But... I don't know, I guess I just... hate always having to ask her for help, you know? Sometimes I wish I could... do more on my own.
no subject
He's not going anywhere, right? So... may as well... actually, get to like one another. Has he ever mentioned what would make him... I guess want to give you equal power?
Or... uh, how do you even become more powerful in the first place?
I just, you seem to have been suffering and I'd really like to see you be allowed to live, you know?
It's good to want to do things on your own, to be able to do more. But Luna has a right to choose what she wants to get involved in. Besides, how long have you been doing this on your own anyway?
no subject
He used to really dislike me. ( Peter says softly, thinking back on it. ) He saw me as... in his way. It's a long story, but back home, I was... given to him. I think as like, um... a sacrifice. He tried to take over my body for a long time, but... Luna stopped him on that. And over time, he stopped.... hating me so much, I think. Because of her.
But he still doesn't really... like me. I think he just kind of puts up with me, because he cares about Luna so much. Sometimes he still gets.. angry with me.
I'm not sure how I could become more powerful, though. I'm... not very strong, mentally. ( Peter gives a little self-deprecatory sort of smile. ) Do you think it's even possible to get more powerful if you've always just been.... a really weak person?
( That's just Peter's honest opinion of himself. He is weak; there's no sense pretending he's any different. )
She's been helping me with the demon stuff ever since she first showed up to Deerington. I know she doesn't mind, and I'm glad she's there. I just hate always having to bug her about it. Paimon's... he takes up a lot of her time. He's kind of needy for attention? He has a lot of energy in there.
no subject
You got forcibly sacrificed to a demon with immense power who hated you, who tried to get rid of you, who wanted to shove your mind just OUT completely. And you're still a good person, you're still trying to get through this as best you can.
You're dealing with vomiting LIVE bugs. [She blanched again.] And the fact that you aren't curled up on the floor screaming your head off or raging against the world when this is absolutely not what you asked for?
I honestly think you're one of the strongest people here. There is nothing weak about you. There are plenty of people in this universe who would look at your situation and... well, who even knows what they'd do.
I think you're incredible.
I hope you see that, too.
As for your energetic friend, maybe we can give him... something to do? Like when a little kid gets too antsy, just letting them run around a bit and play to help calm them down and tire them out. Maybe Paimon needs something like that? Even older people get that way, right?
no subject
Then he came to Deerington. And through all of the loss and ache and horror, there were people who believed in him, even when they learned what was so wrong with him, and what horrible things he'd done. Louis, Diarmuid, Luna....
It's still hard for him to believe such things about himself. Maybe he never truly can. But hearing Usagi say what she does....? It does reach him, touch him. He's swallowing hard, throat thick, eyes glossy. Here's someone who barely knows him, giving him this kind of encouragement... this kindness. Someone who sees what he's dealing with and recognises it, validates it.
Peter has to stay quiet for a few moments after, gathering himself. )
I..... Thank you. ( His voice is quiet, a little hoarse; maybe it's obvious he's a bit teary, but by now, there's not much need to hide that fact from people. He's some broken thing; he spills so easily. But despite that, there are people who will support him like this. )
I um... It means a lot to hear you say that? So thank you. ( He sniffles, a little wetly, and offers a quiet smile to the girl. )
You've hit the nail on the head, I think. Luna has to do that for him a lot, kind of... help him get out some of that energy. I think he feels as trapped as I do, a lot of the time. ( Peter bites his lip for a moment. )
Maybe I can try to find some other people who'd be willing to.... entertain him for awhile. To give her a little bit of a break. I'll definitely look into that. I uh. I can't keep ignoring him. I know I can't.
no subject
Not at all, it's true. [She offered.] You should hear the truth more often. Sometimes we get this version of things in our head and it helps to have an outside perspective.
I imagine there are a lot of people who would be willing to help, who wouldn't want something from him and would just want to see to it you get what you need and he gets... better. I know a couple of people if you need recommendations.
no subject
That'd be great, yeah. ( He nods, meaning it. He'll take any help he can get. )
I'm lucky I do have a few people around here who help with all that. ( Really, he doesn't know how he's managed to meet such reliable people, but he has. ) ...But he's a uh, pretty big job, so anyone else you might know... I'll definitely keep them in mind.
no subject
But I know some others too, I'll ask, that way it's not all on you and Luna. Loads are easier to carry when more hands are helping, right?
no subject
( This isn't something he can hide the same ways he used to. Paimon is... not going to stay tucked away. The demon wants his own life and experiences. )
Though I should probably warn you about something; you might want to be careful not to tell people his name. It uh... is apparently a big deal for the kind of demon he is? He might get upset thinking someone could try to control him.
( There's a lot of power in a name, especially for the goetic demons. )
Thanks, Usagi. For... for everything.
no subject
I'll be sure to mention that to those who can help.
I'm happy to help, Peter. Just give me a call if you need, alright?