[ It's strange; there's two parts of this for him, really, and it's hard to know where they blend or how much. There's the part that's just him, the part that's seeing all of this through a "normal" teenager's eyes, nervous and new to all of this, who's very inexperienced. That part's still tainted, though, still doesn't think things like relationships or anything like that are something he should ever have. Not after what he did. He's... not a good person. He really isn't.
Then there's of course, the other part. The one that doesn't belong to a normal person, the part viewing this through the lens of the fact there's something very fucking supernaturally wrong with him. How.. could he even consider being with anyone, when there's something wrong with him like that? Louis hadn't acted like it was a big deal at all when Peter had brought it up, and while he absolutely appreciates his friend not treating him like there's anything wrong with him, it also... worries him. Shouldn't people realise what's wrong with him? Be afraid of it? It's worse if they aren't. Because then they'll get close to him, and he could hurt them, and he can't stand the thought of hurting anyone else ever again, after what he'd done to his family—
..... So his own sense of being frightened is partially the not-necessarily-bad kind she's talking about, but then there's part of it that is the bad kind. The sort of fright that makes his guts hurt, and they're hurting now, even as he's trying to reassure her of something. He will tell her, but it aches to think about. It scares him, makes him feel ill. Peter runs his hands over his face for a moment, to ease himself a little. ]
You're my best friend. I want to try for you
[ Maybe she will see him differently afterwards. How could she not, honestly? But she's right, that's her right to one way or another. He can't take away that choice for her; it belongs to her. And truthfully, he has been hiding from Luna a bit over the past months, hasn't he? From everyone, but maybe especially her. It hadn't lasted long, and he hadn't cast himself away from her completely, but he had withdrawn out of fear of hurting her, and out of fear of how she might look at him if she sees that darkness in him too closely.
He can't keep hiding, not when their relationship has reached a point where they're so very open and comfortable in each other. He just.. hadn't been thinking about the future so much, maybe. This conversation has opened up the concept more in him, and his knee-jerk was to flinch away from it, to be afraid. Peter's feelings are much like a shy animal that has to be coaxed out by safe hands; some wounded little thing. But she's— she's said some things here that are very.... important.
.... "What if I want you?"
What if he wants her, too? ]
Because I don't want to lose you Or what this is, either
Or what it could be
[ He's echoing what she'd said before — what it could be. It's..... a little glimmer of something towards the future. Wording it like that. His guts still ache, but that shy wounded thing in him pokes its head out, carefully. ]
me turning a text post into literal paragraphs of introspection
Then there's of course, the other part. The one that doesn't belong to a normal person, the part viewing this through the lens of the fact there's something very fucking supernaturally wrong with him. How.. could he even consider being with anyone, when there's something wrong with him like that? Louis hadn't acted like it was a big deal at all when Peter had brought it up, and while he absolutely appreciates his friend not treating him like there's anything wrong with him, it also... worries him. Shouldn't people realise what's wrong with him? Be afraid of it? It's worse if they aren't. Because then they'll get close to him, and he could hurt them, and he can't stand the thought of hurting anyone else ever again, after what he'd done to his family—
..... So his own sense of being frightened is partially the not-necessarily-bad kind she's talking about, but then there's part of it that is the bad kind. The sort of fright that makes his guts hurt, and they're hurting now, even as he's trying to reassure her of something. He will tell her, but it aches to think about. It scares him, makes him feel ill. Peter runs his hands over his face for a moment, to ease himself a little. ]
You're my best friend. I want to try for you
[ Maybe she will see him differently afterwards. How could she not, honestly? But she's right, that's her right to one way or another. He can't take away that choice for her; it belongs to her. And truthfully, he has been hiding from Luna a bit over the past months, hasn't he? From everyone, but maybe especially her. It hadn't lasted long, and he hadn't cast himself away from her completely, but he had withdrawn out of fear of hurting her, and out of fear of how she might look at him if she sees that darkness in him too closely.
He can't keep hiding, not when their relationship has reached a point where they're so very open and comfortable in each other. He just.. hadn't been thinking about the future so much, maybe. This conversation has opened up the concept more in him, and his knee-jerk was to flinch away from it, to be afraid. Peter's feelings are much like a shy animal that has to be coaxed out by safe hands; some wounded little thing. But she's— she's said some things here that are very.... important.
.... "What if I want you?"
What if he wants her, too? ]
Because I don't want to lose you
Or what this is, either
Or what it could be
[ He's echoing what she'd said before — what it could be. It's..... a little glimmer of something towards the future. Wording it like that. His guts still ache, but that shy wounded thing in him pokes its head out, carefully. ]
I'll tell you everything
Really soon