Oh, you did...? ( Peter gives a soft wince, like something stings. Though he doesn't know what happened after Paimon took over..... he definitely remembers confronting that man and being confronted by him so harshly in return. It was... a lot. It's not at all in his comfort zone; in fact, it pushed so abrasively against the soft edges of Peter that he feels pretty sick from it.
But he had to defend her. Had to let that man know that there was somebody who wouldn't just stand by and let her be talked to like that. That there was someone there who would protect her. Because that anger the man had.... it was so much. So volatile. Peter doesn't know what he's capable of. He has to assume the worst, and prepare for it. After all, it's not the first time Luna's been publicly addressed and threatened by a very angry grown man in this place.... and she's certainly been tormented by adults even back before this place. She was literally tortured by them. )
I don't know much about him. I don't even know his name. But... I met him once, when the jungle stuff happened. He saved me from quicksand, but he also let go of the rope a few times along the way to like... I don't know, teach me a lesson? God.
( The memory still horrifies him, and he tenses his shoulders, curls in on himself a little. The man was yelling at him the whole time. Peter can't... handle that kind of aggression. It's too much. Too familiar. )
He was so..... angry. IβI don't know what he's capable of. And I understand he's mad about what happened to him, I get it. It's horrible. But....
( Peter gives a soft sound, almost a whimper in the back of his throat. )
She's been through so much. She... I just wish I could protect her better.
[ falco feels something so similar and palpable in his words. it's what he sees in gabi and it makes his heart wrench into a twist of compassion. so many people were angry. she had been angry, and he had done anything and everything in his power to deflect a blow that could've gone to her. she's been through so much.
in falco's case, he's dealt with both sides in the same damn package. a girl that was wonderful, beautiful, passionate, who had so much potential— but also a girl that was angry beyond her own control. until she . . . let go of that anger, and became someone better. he remembers gabi. he remembers connor-60, programmed to destroy, a machine that hurt him and antagonized him to ugly ends, but— he deviated, too. he stopped, when falco persisted enough.
falco bites his lip and sucks it in, his fingers in a gentle clasp against peter's arm. sitting at the edge of the bed, he looks at his lap, almost distantly. what to do—? what to do for both of them? he even feels for . . . johnny, despite everything. he knows pent-up anger and what it can do to people. it can make them ugly and hated, and doesn't help— ]
You do, Peter . . . So much. [ it's wonderful that luna has him, and so many people. ] Maybe he just— [ he plays with the words. he's not sure they're right, but they feel right enough. ] Needs . . . Someone, too.
( There's no opposition to what Falco says, about that man β Peter only gives a soft nod, looking down to his own lap. No, he agrees, he understands; because he knows what anger can do to a person, too. He's seen it in Maul, and despite every torment that the Sith Lord's inflicted on him and Luna over time, Peter still does feel an empathy for the man. Because he knows. It's... like Mom's, that type of anger. Something deep-rooted and festering. Something inherited from somebody else.
And Peter always just takes it. He learned a long time ago not to try to stop it, or stand up to it β and when he challenged it once or twice, those teeth would snap down on him, her voice would scream, she'd shut him up by getting so angry. Peter learned how to survive by never saying anything, instead. When it comes to himself, he'll stay silent.
...But not when it comes to Luna. A grown adult shouldn't... talk that way, act that way, to someone so much younger. Shouldn't tear into someone so soft with that rage. Anger in response to something is one thing, is normal, but when it tips past anger and into something that feels dangerous...? Something that feels weaponised against someone who wasn't in her right mind? No. He won't let that happen to her.
Not that it probably did any good at all, trying to stand up for her. That man just wanted to... fucking fight him, and thenβ Peter just remembers refusing, and nothing after that. It's black. Paimon was there. And Peter woke up with his fingers tangled like claws in his bedsheets. )
....I probably just made it worse for her, anyway. Saying something to people who're all riled up... who don't want to listen... it just makes them angrier.
( He knows. His frown is deep and sad and he's wishing he could just disappear again. Go back to sleep. But after a moment he swallows, looks back up to Falco. The younger boy doesn't need to take all this in. )
...I'm sorry. You didn't come over here to listen to... all this. I'm okay. I think I justβ kind of passed out.
( A beat, hesitant. )
...He does that, when I'm really stressed. Just kind of... puts me to sleep. I used to hate it, but these days I'm... kind of glad.
[ oh, no. he can listen. he always considered himself such a good listener. if it can help all the messiness, it wasnβt for a second unwelcome. falcoβs change in expression shows this, a fast moving clench of his features that clearly expose apologetic objection. ]
No, [ he shakes his head, and hugs the arm he holds for good measure. ] you still protected her the way you could.
[ falco might have done the same, though heβs usually the one that has to silence his riled pair. heβs quiet, and respectful, but anything that has to do with gabi, he just . . . loses it. he becomes her shield. gunshots or glass bottles, fists or blasts, he throws himself. words, he hasnβt had the chance yet. but heβs sure his heart would speak louderβ heβd say something.
but, nowβ falco is reminded of why he had wanted to speak to peter in the first place, lifting his head and adjusting his seat on the edge of the bed. paimon. with the way peter says it, it may even seem that paimonβs protecting him.
was that even possible, for his case? ]
Peter, [ he starts steadily, uncertain, aware that itβs personal, but still curious for his own reasons to even try it himself, as if asking a fellow veteran: do you do this? can i do it? ] do you talk to him?
( He's trying, to see it that way. Ange's told him much the same; actually, Luna herself even has, too. That he protects how he can, and he knows that much is true, but.... it isn't enough. To want to protect, even to try doing it. At the end of the day, he's... helpless. There isn't anything he can do if someone tries to come for Luna.
....All he can do is be the thing that Paimon can work through. Because the demon can protect her. It's a strange and sad awareness, that Peter's place is this one. He doesn't resist it; he's just.... trying to learn how to live with it.
There's another little nod to the boy hugging onto his arm, the one who's offering comfort, assurance. Peter reaches to give him a gentle squeeze, offers a sad little smile that's aimed down to the bed. He's grateful to have him, and there's a soft "Thanks" uttered there.
Not long after comes the question, and Peter's looking back up after a moment, studying Falco's features. He knows what he means, but answering is... strange. Putting it into verbal form. Like most things regarding his relationship with the demon king, it's complicated. )
...Sometimes. But it'sβ hard. We don't do it often. ....Can't do it often. ( Paimon's still so much for Peter so often, too much. He's still having to learn how to handle not just fading away so quickly when the demon's brightness is mentally alongside him. But he's thinking back on it now, and they have made progress. )
...We didn't talk at all for... god, probably two years. Even now, if he wants to tell me something, he usually asks Luna to. Or... draws me weird little pictures. ( There's a wince; Peter's not thrilled about any of it. It's... creepy. But he looks to Falco with a concern, sobered. )
[ that's— interesting. it'd make his hair stand on end if he were the one getting strange pictures, but at least it's something—? it reminds him of the time he snapped out of it and did find scribbling. twice, in fact. it wasn't something he'd been calm about. it brought panic. it wasn't a message— it felt like a threat.
did it really have to be like that? falco answers with a shake of his head, bringing his hands together on his lap. ]
Not really. But . . . I was thinking of trying it. [ how? he had yet to figure it out. peter had been one of his go-tos, dipper was next. ] Miss Ange asked a while back, and ever since— I've been wondering if it'd make a difference. If we could, maybe . . . Stop working against each other.
[ he really did just say "i want to befriend my eldritch parasite". ]
( Peter's expression softens as Falco mentions Ange. He's not surprised to hear that she'd be involved, here. She's helped him immensely with Paimon, and she's... she's a really, really good person.
Though there's a worry trickling in to follow up, because Peter hasn't forgotten his brief meeting with the thing inside Falco. It was... horrible. Absolutely terrifying. The thought of encouraging him to make contact with it is admittedly.... very scary. He fidgets, brows knitting deeply in concern as he watches him.
...Then again, getting closer to Paimon has helped. It has. As much as it's been a frightening journey, as strange and difficult as it still sometimes is... they're learning, too. How to work together in certain ways. To co-exist. Peter sits there quietly for a moment, torn between how to help Falco. How to protect him. )
It... could help, I think. Could make a difference. ( That's the truth, and he sighs quietly, glances down for a moment. He... really doesn't talk about this much. )
It's... not comfortable. It's hard, to um. To want to understand something that'sβ that's stealing who you are. Something that shouldn't... be there.
( ...He certainly hasn't happily accepted his own possession. )
...But I guess not long ago, I realised... I'm probably always going to be like this. We're always going to be stuck with one another. And so... to make it safer for the people I care about, and so I don't end up... taken over completely by him... Yeah. Yeah, it makes a difference. ( He swallows, dark eyes moving back up to the younger's pair. )
Do you think yours would be... willing to? To communicate with you?
I don't know. I don't know how to talk to ghosts, or, [ he raises his shoulders a tad, because he doesn't actually know the word for it before settling with: ] things.
[ it's simple enough to get the point across. ]
But— I want to try. I have to. For the same reason.
[ for the safety of others, he's certain he doesn't want to try another exorcism so soon, especially when no one knew what this was. it wasn't the conventional demon or poltergeist. it was gross and alien and not of the worlds people were most familiar with. as far as falco knew, the silence had a blank slate where information should be, and what he knew was already so limited. ]
( Peter watches the younger boy, listening to his words. He's always known Falco has a certain resolve, a bravery β something that perhaps someone so young shouldn't have to have. And he's... so young to be dealing with something like this. Peter was sixteen when Paimon was placed inside of him; Falco's.... He's little. He's just a baby.
....But he says exactly how it is. 'I want to try. I have to. For the same reason.' Reality doesn't care how old someone is, how unfair, how cruel. This is the poor boy's reality, and.... he has to try, too. Just like Peter does. )
There are people who can help you with exactly that. ( He nods, offering what he hopes can be helpful, hopeful. ) I know you already know Ange, and Luna... They know how to talk to things like that. They can make it easier for you.
....And I can help you too. ( He adds softly. Because he can offer that, being someone who is in a very similar situation. They're Team Possessed, he has to support Falco.... even if what's inside the boy frightens him on some awful deep level. He won't let him deal with this alone. )
I can try... talking to it sometime, if you want. Or helping you do it... Whatever you need, I promise, I'll help you.
[ falco only stares with big owlish eyesβ touched by the sentiment and support. peter was older, a veteran in this unnatural process, so naturally . . . heβd look up to him. strong beyond what he realizes because heβs still standing strong and firm and willing, wanting to do that much better.
what falco is feeling could be described at the moment overwhelming adoration, one that tips into action: the boy lowers his head and raises his arms, until heβs firmly pressed against peterβs chest. ]
βThank you.
[ itβs silent, but itβs there in how tight his embrace is: I will too. ]
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no subject
But he had to defend her. Had to let that man know that there was somebody who wouldn't just stand by and let her be talked to like that. That there was someone there who would protect her. Because that anger the man had.... it was so much. So volatile. Peter doesn't know what he's capable of. He has to assume the worst, and prepare for it. After all, it's not the first time Luna's been publicly addressed and threatened by a very angry grown man in this place.... and she's certainly been tormented by adults even back before this place. She was literally tortured by them. )
I don't know much about him. I don't even know his name. But... I met him once, when the jungle stuff happened. He saved me from quicksand, but he also let go of the rope a few times along the way to like... I don't know, teach me a lesson? God.
( The memory still horrifies him, and he tenses his shoulders, curls in on himself a little. The man was yelling at him the whole time. Peter can't... handle that kind of aggression. It's too much. Too familiar. )
He was so..... angry. IβI don't know what he's capable of. And I understand he's mad about what happened to him, I get it. It's horrible. But....
( Peter gives a soft sound, almost a whimper in the back of his throat. )
She's been through so much. She... I just wish I could protect her better.
no subject
in falco's case, he's dealt with both sides in the same damn package. a girl that was wonderful, beautiful, passionate, who had so much potential— but also a girl that was angry beyond her own control. until she . . . let go of that anger, and became someone better. he remembers gabi. he remembers connor-60, programmed to destroy, a machine that hurt him and antagonized him to ugly ends, but— he deviated, too. he stopped, when falco persisted enough.
falco bites his lip and sucks it in, his fingers in a gentle clasp against peter's arm. sitting at the edge of the bed, he looks at his lap, almost distantly. what to do—? what to do for both of them? he even feels for . . . johnny, despite everything. he knows pent-up anger and what it can do to people. it can make them ugly and hated, and doesn't help— ]
You do, Peter . . . So much. [ it's wonderful that luna has him, and so many people. ] Maybe he just— [ he plays with the words. he's not sure they're right, but they feel right enough. ] Needs . . . Someone, too.
cw: emotional abuse things
And Peter always just takes it. He learned a long time ago not to try to stop it, or stand up to it β and when he challenged it once or twice, those teeth would snap down on him, her voice would scream, she'd shut him up by getting so angry. Peter learned how to survive by never saying anything, instead. When it comes to himself, he'll stay silent.
...But not when it comes to Luna. A grown adult shouldn't... talk that way, act that way, to someone so much younger. Shouldn't tear into someone so soft with that rage. Anger in response to something is one thing, is normal, but when it tips past anger and into something that feels dangerous...? Something that feels weaponised against someone who wasn't in her right mind? No. He won't let that happen to her.
Not that it probably did any good at all, trying to stand up for her. That man just wanted to... fucking fight him, and thenβ Peter just remembers refusing, and nothing after that. It's black. Paimon was there. And Peter woke up with his fingers tangled like claws in his bedsheets. )
....I probably just made it worse for her, anyway. Saying something to people who're all riled up... who don't want to listen... it just makes them angrier.
( He knows. His frown is deep and sad and he's wishing he could just disappear again. Go back to sleep. But after a moment he swallows, looks back up to Falco. The younger boy doesn't need to take all this in. )
...I'm sorry. You didn't come over here to listen to... all this. I'm okay. I think I justβ kind of passed out.
( A beat, hesitant. )
...He does that, when I'm really stressed. Just kind of... puts me to sleep. I used to hate it, but these days I'm... kind of glad.
no subject
No, [ he shakes his head, and hugs the arm he holds for good measure. ] you still protected her the way you could.
[ falco might have done the same, though heβs usually the one that has to silence his riled pair. heβs quiet, and respectful, but anything that has to do with gabi, he just . . . loses it. he becomes her shield. gunshots or glass bottles, fists or blasts, he throws himself. words, he hasnβt had the chance yet. but heβs sure his heart would speak louderβ heβd say something.
but, nowβ falco is reminded of why he had wanted to speak to peter in the first place, lifting his head and adjusting his seat on the edge of the bed. paimon. with the way peter says it, it may even seem that paimonβs protecting him.
was that even possible, for his case? ]
Peter, [ he starts steadily, uncertain, aware that itβs personal, but still curious for his own reasons to even try it himself, as if asking a fellow veteran: do you do this? can i do it? ] do you talk to him?
no subject
....All he can do is be the thing that Paimon can work through. Because the demon can protect her. It's a strange and sad awareness, that Peter's place is this one. He doesn't resist it; he's just.... trying to learn how to live with it.
There's another little nod to the boy hugging onto his arm, the one who's offering comfort, assurance. Peter reaches to give him a gentle squeeze, offers a sad little smile that's aimed down to the bed. He's grateful to have him, and there's a soft "Thanks" uttered there.
Not long after comes the question, and Peter's looking back up after a moment, studying Falco's features. He knows what he means, but answering is... strange. Putting it into verbal form. Like most things regarding his relationship with the demon king, it's complicated. )
...Sometimes. But it'sβ hard. We don't do it often. ....Can't do it often. ( Paimon's still so much for Peter so often, too much. He's still having to learn how to handle not just fading away so quickly when the demon's brightness is mentally alongside him. But he's thinking back on it now, and they have made progress. )
...We didn't talk at all for... god, probably two years. Even now, if he wants to tell me something, he usually asks Luna to. Or... draws me weird little pictures. ( There's a wince; Peter's not thrilled about any of it. It's... creepy. But he looks to Falco with a concern, sobered. )
Has yours..... started talking to you?
no subject
did it really have to be like that? falco answers with a shake of his head, bringing his hands together on his lap. ]
Not really. But . . . I was thinking of trying it. [ how? he had yet to figure it out. peter had been one of his go-tos, dipper was next. ] Miss Ange asked a while back, and ever since— I've been wondering if it'd make a difference. If we could, maybe . . . Stop working against each other.
[ he really did just say "i want to befriend my eldritch parasite". ]
no subject
Though there's a worry trickling in to follow up, because Peter hasn't forgotten his brief meeting with the thing inside Falco. It was... horrible. Absolutely terrifying. The thought of encouraging him to make contact with it is admittedly.... very scary. He fidgets, brows knitting deeply in concern as he watches him.
...Then again, getting closer to Paimon has helped. It has. As much as it's been a frightening journey, as strange and difficult as it still sometimes is... they're learning, too. How to work together in certain ways. To co-exist. Peter sits there quietly for a moment, torn between how to help Falco. How to protect him. )
It... could help, I think. Could make a difference. ( That's the truth, and he sighs quietly, glances down for a moment. He... really doesn't talk about this much. )
It's... not comfortable. It's hard, to um. To want to understand something that'sβ that's stealing who you are. Something that shouldn't... be there.
( ...He certainly hasn't happily accepted his own possession. )
...But I guess not long ago, I realised... I'm probably always going to be like this. We're always going to be stuck with one another. And so... to make it safer for the people I care about, and so I don't end up... taken over completely by him... Yeah. Yeah, it makes a difference. ( He swallows, dark eyes moving back up to the younger's pair. )
Do you think yours would be... willing to? To communicate with you?
no subject
[ it's simple enough to get the point across. ]
But— I want to try. I have to. For the same reason.
[ for the safety of others, he's certain he doesn't want to try another exorcism so soon, especially when no one knew what this was. it wasn't the conventional demon or poltergeist. it was gross and alien and not of the worlds people were most familiar with. as far as falco knew, the silence had a blank slate where information should be, and what he knew was already so limited. ]
no subject
....But he says exactly how it is. 'I want to try. I have to. For the same reason.' Reality doesn't care how old someone is, how unfair, how cruel. This is the poor boy's reality, and.... he has to try, too. Just like Peter does. )
There are people who can help you with exactly that. ( He nods, offering what he hopes can be helpful, hopeful. ) I know you already know Ange, and Luna... They know how to talk to things like that. They can make it easier for you.
....And I can help you too. ( He adds softly. Because he can offer that, being someone who is in a very similar situation. They're Team Possessed, he has to support Falco.... even if what's inside the boy frightens him on some awful deep level. He won't let him deal with this alone. )
I can try... talking to it sometime, if you want. Or helping you do it... Whatever you need, I promise, I'll help you.
no subject
what falco is feeling could be described at the moment overwhelming adoration, one that tips into action: the boy lowers his head and raises his arms, until heβs firmly pressed against peterβs chest. ]
βThank you.
[ itβs silent, but itβs there in how tight his embrace is: I will too. ]